Christmas 2012

Jingle bells are ringing, Christmas trees are up, decorations are glittering, lights are twinkling and the frost is glistening. Once again Christmas is just around the corner with 13 more sleeps to go… Thirteen more sleeps to Santa. I love Christmas, not for the presents, not for the giving, not for the idea of it, I love it because it’s a time when everyone comes together and celebrates, where family sit together. No phones ringing. No reminders on the calendar. No rushing around. No urgency. No busy schedule. Relax. A time when food is shared and enjoyed. Where laughs and giggles are not false or laborous, they’re genuine sparked by sherry and mulled wine. When fire surrounds the Christmas pudding. When the Christmas tree sparkles and eyes light up. Where presents are unwrapped and appreciated. When people share love for one another under the mistletoe. Christmas is a time when love really is all around, and like I said not for the prospect of receiving, but the prospect of giving and the idea of relaxing and sharing time we otherwise would not have had. For one day of the year. It can only be Christmas.

University offers

Since sending my application off mid-November with unconfidence… I have received replies from the universities, which are: Reading, Surrey, Cardiff, Lincoln and Chester. I am pleased to say that all five have offered me a place with conditional entry requirements of ‘AAB’ for the first three and ‘BBC‘as a back-up for the last two.

Decisions, decisions, decisions. I now need to decide by May 2013 which university to place as my firm and which as my insurance. I never thought in a million years I’d have this much choice. What is daunting is the fact that this decision will determine my final years of education – it’s a BIG decision.

I am also pleased to see that most of my friends have received offers too that they’re delighted with as they truly deserve them! It will be very hard however to say farewell to my friends, however one day we all have to go our separate ways as life isn’t one path… That day is unfortunately approaching very quickly.

I wish everyone the best of luck if they’ve applied and congratulations if you’ve received offers!

‘Love’

I have just watched a video which is called ‘Inspirational Love Scenes’ from films, this is the transcript which has inspired me to write a blog post:

Look, I guarantee there’ll be tough times. For a whole lot of reasons that don’t make sense to me. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but soon, and for the rest of your life. And we are gonna last is just to love. Love is not a feeling, it’s an ability. I love you without even knowing how… or when… or from where.

I love how he makes me feel like anything’s possible. I think I’m in love with you. Oh. I can’t believe it. I’m in love. I love you so much. I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride. Above all things, I believe in love. Cause you’re like the coolest person I’ve ever met. And you don’t even have to try. You’re the only one for me. Kiss me. Kiss me as if it were the last time. Why not? Life is short, life is dull, life is full of pain, and this is a chance for something special.

‘Love’ is such a strange emotion – if it is an emotion. It’s a word which is often used for some to explain the euphoric warmth they have when with another person or perhaps the feeling of owning a sentimental possession. However, the word  ‘love’ is commonly used, perhaps too tritely.

For me, ‘love’ is found over time… through developing emotions and getting to know a person who you feel happy around. A person who you can be comfortable with. However you look. However you feel. Whatever you say. Whatever you do. And all these little things won’t taint their love for you, as it’s so strong it’s unbreakable. It’s not a word which can be used and thrown away like any other word, it’s a word which has true meaning and one which everyone can relate to in one way or another.

Love is expressed from the inside, as the transcript says love is “not a feeling, it’s an ability” and I suppose it is, for me, it’s the ability to put all your complexities, insecurities aside and concentrate on how you feel about someone. Love doesn’t always make sense to everyone, it may not today. Tomorrow. The next day. Or even in the next year. However, one day everyone will find love in some way or another as “love truly is all around”.

It’s beneath that counts. Looks are deceiving.

"You know when sometimes you meet someone so beautiful and then you actually talk to them and five minutes later they're as dull as a brick? Then there's other people, when you meet them you think 'Not bad. They're okay.' And then you get to know them and their face just sort of becomes them, like their personality's written all over it. And they just turn into something so beautiful..."

“For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own”

Our dreams are essentially figments of our imagination, however despite how surreal some may be, they are real in the way they reflect how we may feel about something or even someone. Dreams are uncontrollable, ineffable and incoherent, however they still somehow make sense to us. Dreams have the ability to inspire us as they show us our potential and capabilities which we couldn’t have otherwise comprehended in true life. For instance, one may dream I become a successful Journalist (my wish) and this inspires me to yearn even more for this profession… Through the dream I experienced my happiness by watching events unfold.

Yes I agree dreams can be wacky and odd, however they shouldn’t just be dismissed as beneath the surface of our dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own and a world which no one else can quite comprehend. That’s what makes dreams individual… Each moment reveals another thing we never knew.

University

A BIG step in my life – in everyone’s life if they choose to apply. After many thoughts of where to apply, after many discussions of where’s best to apply, after research of different universities and after weighing up each… I have now sent of my UCAS application. Draft, after draft, after draft my Personal Statement is now out of my control and in the hands of my five choices to decide whether I’m a good enough applicant. Scared is not the word, I am petrified. Not only do I need offers, I need to achieve the grades at the end of A2 – pressure has never been so intense.

‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’ by Mitch Albom

First of all I had reservations about this book as I have never read a book quite like it. I have also never come across any of Mitch Albom’s books before, despite being informed by a friend that his books are meaningful. Since reading ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’, I am intrigued to read Albom’s other books due to how ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’ is written and the lesson which shone in the book.

The notion for ‘The Five People You Meet in Heaven’ is

“All ending are beginnings. We just don't know it at the time..."

Eddie, who is the main character, is a grizzled war veteran who feels trapped in a meaningless life of fixing rides at a seaside amusement park called ‘Ruby Pier’. As he grows older, he becomes more dissatisfied with his life, living a daily routine of work, loneliness, and regret. Out of the blue whilst at a ordinary day at work, an accident occurs where a cart falls from a ride endangering a young girl. Eddie attempts to save this girl, but dies himself on his 83rd birthday. He awakens in the afterlife, where he learns that heaven is not what it is said to be, instead it is a place where your earthly life is explained to you by five different people who were in it. The quote stated above (“All endings are beginnings…”) resounds throughout the book as each person he meets makes him rethink his life and realise that the end of his life is just the beginning to finding out what went wrong, and that there’s still optimism.

There are quotes which I adore from this book, such as:

“It is because the human spirit knows, deep down, that all lives intersect. That death doesn’t just take someone, it misses someone else, and in the small distance between being taken and being missed, lives are changed.”

“When lightning strikes a minute after you are gone, or an airplane crashes that you might have been on. When your colleague falls ill and you do not. We think such things are random. But there is a balance to it all. One withers, another grows. Birth and death are part of a whole”

“”Strangers”, the Blue Man said, “are just family you have yet to come to know.””

“YOUNG MEN GO to war. Sometimes because they have to, sometimes because they want to. Always, they feel they are supposed to. This comes from the sad, layered stories of life, which over the centuries have seen courage confused with picking up arms, and cowardice confused with laying them down.”

“Lost love is still love, Eddie. It takes a different form, that’s all. You can’t see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken, another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.”

“That each affects the other and the other affects the next, and the world is full of stories, but the stories are all one.”

Albom for me, gives an astonishing original story which has changed my outlook on afterlife itself and ultimately, the meaning of our life here on earth. The book not only teaches about treasuring life itself, but it is also a fable of love, a warning about war, and a nod of the cap to the real people of this world, the ones who never get their names in lights.

Other books by Mitch Albom:

• ‘Tuesdays with Morrie’
• ‘For One More Day’
• ‘Have a Little Faith’
• ‘The Time Keeper’ (his newest work)

Critical praise:

“Five meetings, five different and surprising truths that gradually unveil to Eddie one of the basic truths of life – that nobody is an island.”
—Knihovnice

"There's much wisdom here . . . An earnest meditation on the intrinsic value of human life."
—Los Angeles Times

“The Five People You Meet in Heaven confirms Mitch Albom as a writer of worship who can reach millions of readers for his courage to openly ask questions about our existence"
—El Mundo

Goodbyes

I read a quote the other day by the actress Joanna Lumley:

“Death is nothing at all. I have only slipped away into the next room.”
 

To a certain extent, this quote seems rather ridiculous at face value, however metaphorically it makes sense. Naturally, we find it hard to say farewell to those who pass away whether it's with them beside us or from a distance. We all feel a sense of loss, compassion, empathy and emptiness. Our melancholy feelings are only normal as we journey through the stages of grief, until we reach the point where we accept that the one we love has gone, and that we'll never see them again, until (if you believe) the day will come when you'll meet them once again.

This quote for me, reinforces my own beliefs that the ones which pass away are next to us, and if not, very close to us. I know it sounds ludicrous, however, once someone has gone they're always going to be in the next room, until we take that step as they bravely did.

Such a lovely quotation from ‘Love Actually’

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking feeling you’ll find that love actually is all around.”

A year away...

For everyone my age, I am sure you can relate...

If I do go to university a year from now... I'll be travelling outside my comfort zone and what I know to be the normalities of life. These are: getting up at the same time each morning, going to sixth form, coming home to talk to my family and dinner with my family. Weekends - going to work, then seeing my family and perhaps friends. Life to me now is perfect as it is what I am used to, yes sixth form is hard, but what isn't in life? It scares me to know that just a year from now I could potentially be sitting in my own accommodation, or a library full of other students or even sitting in a cafe eating breakfast. And always on my mind I will be thinking with curiosity what the next lecture or seminar will be. That scares me. A year for me feels like a month. But I am scared that whilst I am there I will be feeling home sick, missing those who mean so much to me, and missing the random conversations with my friends, despite half of our talks not making sense, but to me they make total sense in my life. I'll miss my family's hugs and kisses and how they always tell me that I'm doing brilliantly and that I need more confidence, this is what kept me going.

But, I need to face it, we all need to. We are growing up now... Some of us eighteen already, others nearly. We need to step out of our comfort zone sooner or later, and earlier the better. The more comfortable we get, the more dependant we will become. So perhaps university is a positive thing not just in the case of a degree, but the experience of finding our own place in the world on our own. 

We still have time I suppose, it's a year from now. 

Time to get ready

Ever since year 9 I have worried about what the future will bring, however, I have come to realise that the future is unpredictable and only I can model my own future, no one else. I once read a quote by someone called Simone de Beauvoir:

“Change your life today. Don't gamble on the future, act now, without delay.”

By this I have come to the conclusion that what I do today will leave its impression on the rest of my life… whether positive or negative. I have been ‘umm-ing and arr-ing’ about whether to go to university due to the cost, the worry of accommodation and whether it will benefit me in the long run, but I have decided that I am not going to gamble not getting a degree when the option is now open to me. So I am going to “act now, without delay”. I know I need to, I know myself too well and I know if I don’t I will regret it in the long run.

I have considered many universities and I still need to research a little bit more, but time is quickly passing. The universities I have read up on sound really good, but the entry requirements are quite high being AAB/ABB… It will be so difficult to get those grades, and I highly doubt I will. I may put them down as the aspirational option, and put lower universities in terms of entry requirements as realistic. I have come to realise A2 won’t be easy, I knew that straight from the start, but now I know what I want to achieve and where I want to go, I will try my absolute best to aim high and hopefully receive the grades that reflect this. I am ready for a hard year ahead, anyway, I was expecting it.

Achievement in other’s eyes

I have always wondered about achievement and other’s opinions about these, in this case grades. I have come to realise that praise is put on those who achieve the highest grades instead of those who performed on their target grade or even over their target grade. Surely praise is about congratulating someone who performed very well due to the circumstances they’re in. It is fair that ‘clever geniuses’ are praised for getting straight As, however what about those who overachieved or even done better than they ever hoped? For some people learning comes naturally to them, therefore they tend to do better so surely their achievement is expected or at least hoped for. I personally feel sorry for those who have done well despite finding things hard and always worrying; I know many people who are in this position,  however I feel they aren’t being praised as much for good grades compared to those who did ‘brilliantly’. This ‘brilliance’ is apparently only for those who get high grades. I read the newspaper the other day and it said about great achievers, not surprisingly these were straight A students. To me, it is not fair that people only read about students who are always achieving, what about those who have learning difficulties and those who exceeded their ability or even those who did well for themselves? Does our personal pride not come before other’s opinions?

Quotations I live by...

I write quotations I come across every day in a journal I own... Whether said by my friends, family, famous people or those which I have thought of myself.

1) Do you know every day is the first of the rest of your life.
2) Difficulties in the present are short-lived, the outcome is your life.
3) Each step is inadequate, until you reach the next.
4) Be a choice, a reason, a priority, but never an option.
5) Don't let your today be stolen by the unchangeable past or the indefinite future. Today is a new day.
6) What people think of you is none of your business.
7) Nobody gets to live life backwards. So, look ahead, that's where the future lies.
8) There's always someone. Even when there's no one.
9) You must be the change you wish to see in the world.
10) Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
11) Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.
12) Nothing will work unless you do.
13) I don't believe you have to be better than anyone else. I believe you have to be better than you ever thought you could be.
14) All the motivation in the world means nothing when you don't believe in yourself.
15) Quitting is not giving up, it can be choosing to focus your attention on something more important.
16) The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.
17) It's very important to choose for yourself what you think you could imagine for your life... No-one else works in your shoes.

I love quotations as they relate to every individual and all mean something despite who we are and where we come from and even what we believe.

Words to live by…

I found this said by a woman named Regina Brett aged 90 years old. It has inspired me as they’re certainly words to live by.

Life isn’t far, but it’s still good.
Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick; your friends and parents will: stay in touch.
You don’t have to win every argument; agree to disagree.
Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
Don’t compare your life to others; you have no idea what their journey is about.
Over prepare, and then go with the flow.
Be eccentric now; don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
Frame every so-called disaster with these words: “In five years, will this even matter?”
What other people think of you is none of your business.
Your children only get one childhood.
If we threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.

Situations

Situations occur in every ones life, however these situations bring different emotions and feelings to people depending on the circumstances they're in. Situations may be wanted or unwanted, some hoped for and some unfortunate, some happy and some sad, but all situations have a significance to our lives, whether we believe it or not.

Situations arise for a reason, they do not just appear out of nowhere - there's always a reason, however unclear this reason may be. Situations we don't want to be in occur to perhaps challenge us or even test our perseverance. We have to let these situations unfold and wait for the outcome, as the sayings go "every cloud as a silver lining" and "there is always light at the end of the tunnel". It is important to wriggle out of them to prevent upset or disturbance, and to learn how to overcome issues in our lives, as unfortunately life is not always easygoing. If you do not know the reason behind the situation you find yourself in, do not explore and elaborate on it, as the chances are you will find yourself in a worser place than you were originally in. Don't dig deep for an answer which is upsetting, just try your best to remove yourself from what has happened. Step back and see yourself from another perspective, as often you are too involved and thinking too deep into the way things are to see the resolution to your problematic circumstance.

Situations don't have to be upsetting or discomforting for you, they shouldn't have to be, at the end of the day we are in situations every single day of our lives... We have to experience a bad situation one day, but this shouldn't have to be every day.

Living in the moment...

People have said to me, and I have heard it said to others: "Live in the moment and treasure every second"... However, can this really be done?

We all have moments in our lives whether at events, with friends or family or even by ourselves, which we wish we could treasure - live in the moment forever. This unfortunately cannot be done, despite how hard we may try. We live in a temporal sequence which is unstoppable. Time passes similar to how our memories pass and over time may fade. We can however still conjure images, voices and emotions in our mind, but the truth is we can't fully re-live the exact moment, or live in the moment. Every time we experience something we experience it at that exact time, we enjoy it for a split second at that exact time, we feel emotions for it at that exact time, that experience lasted for that exact time. Similar to how things are 'done and dusted', they cannot be changed or re-lived quite as they were, but can only be remodelled using figments of our imagination and guesses to how we felt in the past.

Time is constantly moving, this is inevitable and this is something which we have to face.

A positive outlook on life... You're off to great places.

In life it is inevitable that choices will have to be made. Pathways will occur leading to different outcomes, and unfortunately we won't experience all of these; but the choice we decide to make will lead to other pathways determining our lives.

Recently, I brought a book for someone who made the decision to take up an opportunity, as I feel this book is inspiring and uplifting despite it perhaps being a children's book. This book is 'Oh, the places you'll go' by Dr Seuss. The words inside conjure up feelings of positivity and motivation to do well in life and to look forward to things which are to come.

'Oh, the places you'll go' illustrates a boy (referred to as 'you') who is on a journey to find his place in the world... Through tribulations he succeeds and through congratulations he continues to rise. His situation is identifiable as I read the book, as I feel we are all on a journey starting from the first day of our lives, and even more so as we grow older. We are constantly attempting to fit in and find a place which we feel comfortable in: working and working until we are satisfied with where we are.

I highly recommend you read it, here's the link to the words:
http://homepages.ius.edu/harrisla/places.htm

I adore this book, as not only does it give hope to those stepping into 'new paths' or 'journeys' in their life, but it gives a sense of the endless opportunities which are awaiting us. Despite it being hopeful, it also shows that some decisions can be daunting due to it being the wrong choice, but you will rise above this and try something different until you reach happiness. The journey overcoming your bad experiences will be an uphill steep as you may meet people who hurt you, who are superior and those which step on you whilst they're on their excursion. However, you won't let these people get the best of you: "On and on you will hike and I know you'll hike far and face up to your problems whatever they are."

This book has shown me that anything is achievable if we put our mind to it, as we can steer ourselves in any direction we choose. The world is our oyster, even though we may be on our own, we still know what to do, and we are the only ones who can determine our futures. It may be hard, as is everything in life, but we can do it. The line "Will you succeed? Yes, you will indeed (98.3/4% guaranteed)" reinforces to me that success is attainable no matter what the challenge.

All aim high and achieve... Determine your journey carefully, and choose the path you'll lead.
  

'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak

After being recommended 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak from the Librarian, some English teachers and two of my friends, I first of all felt sceptical as they all gave me high expectations of it. When people highly recommend a book, I am often let down, as was the case with 'The Kite Runner' by Khaled Hosseini. However, in the case of 'The Book Thief', I was totally mesmerised and glued to it from the prologue onwards with the starting of: "First the colours. Then the humans. That's usually how I see things. Or at least, how I try." Due to this, I read 'The Book Thief' in three days... As the cover states: "When Death tells a story, you really have to listen"

I found this book unique and interesting as it is narrated by Death, which gives the book a rather eerie yet apt feeling as I read. This book captures my emotions and inner feelings, causing me to express sympathy towards the time in which it was set: Nazi Germany. The characters seemed so real and accurate for the time period through their tribulations and their rare happy moments: their actions, their thoughts and feelings. Death seems to be a living, breathing creature who is fed up of the constant picking up of souls and witnessing of deaths. (He) chooses therefore to concentrate on one female in particular called Liesel due to her interesting character and hobby of thieving books. Death narrates the growing up of Liesel, whose rebuilt life falls into turmoil as her country (Germany) goes to war and her family try to conform to Nazi society (while at one point hiding a Jewish fistfighter in their basement).

Death’s narrative has a juddering structure which kept me infatuated by it. Through out the book there are small announcements, which are usually wild understatements, ironic and sarcastic, Death’s summaries are short, harsh and straightforward, making him an interesting character to listen to. I as the reader felt intrigued to know the true character behind Death, the short yet rather revealing annoucements gave little insight into his character, surrounding his character with mystery. The final line of the book is ambiguous towards his character: "I am haunted by humans."

I truly recommend this book to all those who love books based on historical fact, those which create emotions and books which are heartfelt and cleverly wrote. Markus Zusak to me has created a masterpiece. 'The Book Thief' for me is the most poignant book I have ever read, and perhaps the only one I will read causing me to cry at the end. Perhaps this is due to the fact the events could have happened down to the nature of Nazi Germany... The reality of this book is harsh yet realistic and inevitable.

Approaching August

After a long few months full of revision leading up to the exams, I finally feel relaxed. Well, I say that, but tomorrow is the 1st August 2012. This means one thing to me: 'AS' exam results.

At the start of AS, as everyone probably did, I thought to myself: 'the exams are a long way away yet', however, I soon came to discover once Christmas had come and gone reality hit me that the exams were approaching very soon. I gathered this from the numerous exam practises, the mocks and the expressions on people's faces in the library. We received our exam timetables about a month or so before our exams. I was in utter shock at the sight of the dates: History Russian Unit Tuesday 15th May, Philosophy and Ethics (morning) and English Literature (afternoon) on Wednesday 16th May. Those two days of exams were three out of my four 'A'levels done and dusted (apart from History which had another unit). Then I had: Law ELS, History Britain and Ireland Unit and finally Law SOL. I genuinely felt, and still feel my exams didn't go well due to the fact I felt so pressurised by the dates, and some of the questions on the exam paper itself.

As I am a worrier, I am inevitably going to worry about the exam results (as everyone is); I do however believe, as my parents have said: "what is done, is done". I guess, as everyone knows... Only when I open that envelope will my results come to light. I am seriously dreading it.

If I don't do well (which I predict), I honestly don't know yet what 'Plan B' is. Do I stay on and retake my exams? Do I re-sit the year? Do I go elsewhere? I hate making decisions which I feel determine my life. However, people have said to me that 'A'levels aren't the 'make or break'. Life is full of opportunities and endless paths with different outcomes depending on the decisions we make. So perhaps, it's not the end of the world if I look at if from others perspectives. It is a sad fact, but, me being me, I feel these 'A'levels are the deciders for what is to be of my future.

I wish everyone the best of luck come results day, you'll all do great. Especially, my lovely friends as I know how hard you have all tried! If some of you choose to move on before A2, I wish you all the best for the future!

‘Before I Go To Sleep’ by S. J. Watson

My friend and I were fixated by this psychological thriller that we managed to read it in a day - it gripped us until the very end. Right from the very beginning, we were sceptical about every movement the protagonist Christine Lucas made… Any signs of clues into where she was, who she was and why she was lost in a life she once knew.

The novel starts with an epitaph type phrase by
Parviz Owsia:
“I was born tomorrow
today I live
yesterday killed me”

This reflects the main character’s emotions, as before she goes to sleep every night, she knows she’ll wake up to new surroundings, repeating a day she has already lived, and the thought of forgetting yesterday kills her inside. It all started when she woke up to find herself lying in bed with a man who she claimed to have never met, a room which she claimed she had never stepped foot in and finally the approach of a mirror which reflection she had never seen. She had woken up believing she was still a young girl, however the mirror didn’t reflect this, instead she was maturely aging: wrinkled hands, her hair had no volume, the skin on her cheeks sagged, her lips were thin and mouth turned down, and then her eyes… The skin surrounding them was lined. However, these features seemed to reflect familiarity, she was still recognisable as herself, she states “The person in the mirror is me, but I am twenty years too old. Twenty-five. More.” The man who she never recognised, who was a stranger in her bed was her husband Ben, the woman in the mirror was herself twenty years later and the pictures were snippets of what was her past.

She can only depend on one object, which she knows speaks the truth. A journal which she herself writes, containing a record of happenings throughout the day, feelings which she’d never feel again unless she re-read her life. Christine is reminded every day by her doctor to read her journal to reconstruct her memories, hoping to create a meaning to her life. Helping her discover what had really happened to her. What had caused her amnesia? Who was in her life? Who left her life? Most importantly, who are the people surrounding her? The journal serves a purpose, it unravels the unexpected, whilst through out it gives the reader room for their own thoughts, through subliminal implications. Whilst reading ‘Before I Go To Sleep’ my opinions on each character were developing through out the novel, I didn’t know who to trust: Her doctor? Her husband Ben? Her friend? Everyone was telling her life as they’d like it to be, however, is this the life she once lead? Or is it merely a recount which is of benefit to the people in her life? They answer her questions, but in differing ways... Who’s correct? The first page of the journal however states ‘Do not trust Ben’… This statement clings onto the reader through out the book, is he telling her the truth of what happened to her? Is it to protect her from being hurt? The ending reveals why.

If you haven’t yet read this novel, I highly recommend it… It really is well-written and emotional right until the very end.

This is the Trailer for ‘Before I Go To Sleep’ by S. J. Watson

‘Do not judge a book by it’s cover… In this case, ‘Do not judge the characters by their cover’

Image

It's upsetting to see how many people believe they're inadequate compared to the beauty magazines... I'm not sure who they're comparing to, as it is all make believe and fantasy. A click of a few buttons, adjustment of lighting... Et viola, they have created what they believe is 'perfect'. It is far from perfect... They have achieved a skeletal unrealistic look... What has happened to being who you are and the individual body image? Technology now is a device to generate models into copy cats of the next. To think there are naive young girls aspiring to fake figures, it is truly unbelievable...

Growing up too fast!

Recently, I have turned seventeen and inside I remain to feel like the vulnerable, shy, quiet little girl who began in Year 9... Who's mind would constantly ponder at the thought of where my next class would be in order to prevent getting lost and turning up late to lessons. My mind is still in the mindset of who I was 4 years ago... Perhaps it is because I dislike the thought of growing up: accepting all responsibility, leaving Upper School and my family and friends to hopefully attend a good University. Leaving everything which was once a comfort to me - all things familiar. However ludicrous this may sound... I wish this world could stop or rewind, just to relive moments when life was easier and had no worries, where colouring in would be my idea of novelty. Now, my idea of novelty is being free from the strains and stresses of sixth form, whether it is listening to music, listening to a friend or family member, or perhaps the sound of peace. I honestly never want to grow up... Life is too fast, yet too short. In a way, I am curious for the future: who I'll be, who I will meet in terms of friends and perhaps a boyfriend or husband. Whether I'll be in a career I'll love, whether I'll live somewhere I'll feel safe, and whether everything in education has paid of. I shall soon find out... Adulthood is quickly approaching...

Choices...

Yesterday along with Year 12 I attended the University Fair, which had stalls of Universities promoting their courses, facilities etcetera. They gave away prospectuses along with pens, bags and leaflets. It was quite daunting being in a position where the largest choice of my life I believe is rapidly approaching and I can't divert from it. It will come, whether I'm prepared or not. The choice of choosing a degree... Options in the degree... The Unicersity... Tenancy... Ultimately my career path. A path which determines my future satisfaction and feeling that I have done my absolute best... This is what I desire most. I am passionate about studying English Literature, as ever since the beginning of Year 10 I have loved English whether it is reading, researching and critically analysing a text. I enjoy exploring the meaning behind texts and most of all giving my own literary interpretation. What I wish and hope for the most is that I do well in all my alevels so I can consider a diverse range of good universities which I have the hope of developing my love for English in. At the moment, doing well in my alevels seems impossible, well, I believe it is due to how hard my alevels have proved to be: English Literature, Law, History and Philosophy and Ethics. Good luck to everybody who is going to University this year, and to all those who like me are considering various universities and getting prepared for the AS exams!

The world…

It seems to be that the world is materialistic rather than looking beneath the surface and viewing what really matters. The physical appearance of the world reflects the people in it and the attitudes of most… The protruding skyscrapers from what had once been a peaceful, unmaterialistic settlement. Perhaps the radical development in technology has had a profound impact, if it has, then I wouldn’t like to view the world in many years to come. It seems that things which were once viewed as ‘ordinary’ have become ‘extraordinary’… Flashing neon lights, metal birds as planes and buildings which look distorted.

It seems to be that people are careless when it comes to their own satisfaction, they’d prefer to aspire to careers which pay the ‘most’ when their happiness has to pay the price. To me, it is pure greediness when individuals aim for a career which they have absolutely no interest in at all, the only interest they’ll be gaining is in the bank. The mansion, the garage door key revealing sports cars, the false expression and thought in their mind that they’ve reached their goal. None of this is true happiness, it is their way of fitting in with the money endorsing world around us.

Unfortunately, this world has evolved into an artificial realm where people struggle to find their place, where being overweight isn’t ‘normal’, where small houses won’t do, where speaking incorrectly means you’re not good enough, where grades class your intelligence. It’s tedious and unfair… This world wasn’t created for a materialistic development: it’s for individuality and room for development in a unmaterialistic way. People shouldn’t have to change their ways to ‘fit in’, people should be a weight in which they feel comfortable in, big houses leave empty spaces, speech is how we express ourselves and grades reflect our worry in exams… Will anything ever catch up with our growing world?

My hope…

It feels as though it was only a day ago when I wrote a blog post about starting Sixth Form and the worries I’d have to face. Now, however, the worries have become a reality, a reality which I never thought would approach so quickly. It’s literally a month before the AS exams: the exams which will determine what university I’ll aim for, as we have to apparently write our personal statements this year. If I don’t achieve good grades in AS I am limiting myself when it comes to choosing universities… Most good universities now have entry requirements of AAA or AAB. Due to how hard my A levels are, I doubt highly I’ll achieve such grades in A2.

I have been revising Philosophy today… Deep down, I know I know the information, however I feel as though I can’t retrieve the information… But it must be somewhere. Hopefully, when it comes to the actual exams, my adrenaline will kick in.

My hope, more than anything right now, is that I do well in my AS exams. People always say ‘you can only do your best’, ‘try your best’, ‘your best is all they can ask for’, however to me, when it comes down to universities they have entry requirements which must be met. They are hardly flexible, therefore I feel obliged to do more than my best. I just hope it’s good enough.

Good luck to all those doing their A level exams this year, whether ASs or A2s, and to all those who are going to University! You will all do great, keep believing!

Stop Kony 2012

Yesterday I watched a video which has been shared over Facebook and Twitter. I was curious to see why this video was being spread around, and how it has any relevance to social networking sites... I was surprised to view the content about a man called Joseph Kony. I am reluctant to even use the word 'man', as he's an inhumane, evil and malevolent person. It was shocking to see the actions he was performing on innocent children: using them as 'child soldiers' by training them to impose attacks on others. In my opinion, he does this all because of one reason... unmitigated evilness.

I was inspired by this video, as it shows the togetherness in the world, and the power in which we can have. A thing which is very uncommon in a difficult modern world as ours now is. A campaign called 'Kony 2012' has been launched to stop the crimes Kony is committing against innocent children, and children who deserve to be heard and stand up for themselves. I couldn't imagine, and I don't think anyone truly can, the feelings of his victims... I can't even imagine how a member of humanity could be so cynical and illicit in their activity.

We need to STOP Kony this year and set a precedent for international justice!

This is the video below... Please watch it, and make these 'invisible children' visible, as Kony will be stopped one day, and I hope this year, this day can be reported. To enable all these children affected, all their families and the whole world can realise that through love and support, evil can come to an end, and justice can be done.

I haven't quite kept up with my diary...

As I said in my previous post: New Year's resolutions/aims.

I premeditated that perhaps I wouldn't stick to some of my goals this year, and keeping up with writing a diary is one of them. I think perhaps diaries are for recording when something has upset you, or made you happy - expressing emotions etcetera, rather than a day to day recount. Hopefully, I'll use the diary more effectively soon, however, nothing has happened that has dramatically changed my feelings...

Another year of aspirations: 2012

I have been inspired by Laura to write a list of what I’d like to do/achieve this year, as last year I thought of aspirations in my mind, rather than write them down. I suppose it would be nice to have thoughts written down, almost perhaps, like a check list. In 2012 I’d like to…

• Concentrate and try my absolute best in Sixth form, so I can do well in my AS levels, and hopefully have a good start to A2
• Continue to support all those who I care about: my family and friends
• Try not to argue with my Sister and Brother
• Learn to drive
• Keep my room tidy
• Be healthier: cut down on food which is seen as bad, and do more exercise
• Prevent myself getting in silly arguments, and to stop getting involved in others problems and try and concentrate on my own
• Read many books (especially for English)
• Decide what I want to do in University, and hopefully get the grade requirements
• Stop spending money on things I don’t need
• Paint or draw a picture I am happy with
• Stop wasting time on Facebook
• Reach a balance between socialising and school work time
• Go to London Dungeons
• To stick to writing my diary. I’ve just brought my own diary to write in everyday about my feelings and obviously happenings day-by-day… This year I’d love to write in it everyday, I just hope I do, as in the future it will be nice to look back at what I’ve done

There are so many more, however I can’t think of them all at the moment, if I do, I shall update this blog post, but for know this is about it.
Happy New Year to you all, and if you have aspirations and things you want to do/achieve, I hope you do, as I know it’s a great feeling to reach a goal!