Don't let outside confidence deceive you.

I am not so sure if I've already wrote a blog on this subject, however, once again, I feel the need to discuss, this I'd like to do through writing. As I have mentioned I am now in Sixth Form, possibly the hardest period of my life I have endured, and perhaps the hardest I will ever have to endure. I believe it to be quite unfair that the most important, or one of the most important stages in my life seems to be so unenjoyable and difficult. Yes I realise that it should be hard, as life in general has its challenges... However, despite this, I wish it was uplifiting. At the moment, I feel my confidence has stooped to literally nothing, whilst my passion to do well is increasing. Even though this is the case, my motivation is being effected by my confidence, as I suppose it would anyones. How can I possibly motivate myself if I feel the result won't be the aim I was hoping for. I feel results in my work will balance on the wrong side, leaving me struggling. I hate being this negative, but once again, my confidence is a issue which I must learn to ignore. Deep down I know I can do it, looking back at my confidence in GCSE and the results overriding it, I know I can beat my expectations. Many of my peers have said to me, including teachers, "you're doing absolutely fine, don't worry yourself... Take a break from it all" talking about my work. However I don't know what they're basing their comment on, perhaps that is their perception of my results in GCSE, and somehow, they believe A Level will be fine for me. Perhaps not 'fine' but manageable. It's really not manageable with the slightest stretch of the imagination, it is certainly the contrary.

Christmas

Once again, Christmas has come and gone... Perhaps too quickly? Christmas this year I found to be very special... I felt fortunate, as I do every year; however this year felt some what different, perhaps because of my age, or rather the decreased excitement, the way eyes would widen at the sight of twinkling lights on a green tree, and little snowflakes coating decorations? I am not disputing my admiration for Christmas - in fact it's my favourite season due to all the wonderful, decorative festivities, instead I felt different about it, in a more appreciative and understanding way. This year I felt more grateful (not that I didn't any other year) and appreciative as I said, as for once, I understood the difficulty of money and how others may not be as fortunate as I, whereas before I felt grateful but in a less sentimental way, as when I was younger I wasn't aware of other issues surrounding Christmas. Not just in this way, but as my previous blog stated earlier this year I believe (not sure whether I posted a blog), my Granddad was severely ill in hospital due to an industrial incident in work, and due to the seriousness of his injuries he was unlikely to pull through, however being the brave, powerful man we all know him to be, he did. That is why this year, Christmas was very special. Every time I saw his face light up whilst we received our presents, I couldn't help but smile at his handsome face, he has never looked so vibrant. My Granddad being here was the best Christmas present of all; we as such a loving close family, couldn't bare to lose him, thus this is why I believe, he pulled through for us, to see us all grow up into successful individuals, and of course to look after my wonderful Nan. My Christmas was memorable, and it made 2011 seem a lot brighter, as this year for me hasn't been my best, especially due to my Granddad's accident... Most people I have spoken to seem to have the same attitude towards this year. Everyone, this leaves me now to say, have a wonderful New Year, may 2012 for you be prosperous and enlightening.