Approaching August

After a long few months full of revision leading up to the exams, I finally feel relaxed. Well, I say that, but tomorrow is the 1st August 2012. This means one thing to me: 'AS' exam results.

At the start of AS, as everyone probably did, I thought to myself: 'the exams are a long way away yet', however, I soon came to discover once Christmas had come and gone reality hit me that the exams were approaching very soon. I gathered this from the numerous exam practises, the mocks and the expressions on people's faces in the library. We received our exam timetables about a month or so before our exams. I was in utter shock at the sight of the dates: History Russian Unit Tuesday 15th May, Philosophy and Ethics (morning) and English Literature (afternoon) on Wednesday 16th May. Those two days of exams were three out of my four 'A'levels done and dusted (apart from History which had another unit). Then I had: Law ELS, History Britain and Ireland Unit and finally Law SOL. I genuinely felt, and still feel my exams didn't go well due to the fact I felt so pressurised by the dates, and some of the questions on the exam paper itself.

As I am a worrier, I am inevitably going to worry about the exam results (as everyone is); I do however believe, as my parents have said: "what is done, is done". I guess, as everyone knows... Only when I open that envelope will my results come to light. I am seriously dreading it.

If I don't do well (which I predict), I honestly don't know yet what 'Plan B' is. Do I stay on and retake my exams? Do I re-sit the year? Do I go elsewhere? I hate making decisions which I feel determine my life. However, people have said to me that 'A'levels aren't the 'make or break'. Life is full of opportunities and endless paths with different outcomes depending on the decisions we make. So perhaps, it's not the end of the world if I look at if from others perspectives. It is a sad fact, but, me being me, I feel these 'A'levels are the deciders for what is to be of my future.

I wish everyone the best of luck come results day, you'll all do great. Especially, my lovely friends as I know how hard you have all tried! If some of you choose to move on before A2, I wish you all the best for the future!

‘Before I Go To Sleep’ by S. J. Watson

My friend and I were fixated by this psychological thriller that we managed to read it in a day - it gripped us until the very end. Right from the very beginning, we were sceptical about every movement the protagonist Christine Lucas made… Any signs of clues into where she was, who she was and why she was lost in a life she once knew.

The novel starts with an epitaph type phrase by
Parviz Owsia:
“I was born tomorrow
today I live
yesterday killed me”

This reflects the main character’s emotions, as before she goes to sleep every night, she knows she’ll wake up to new surroundings, repeating a day she has already lived, and the thought of forgetting yesterday kills her inside. It all started when she woke up to find herself lying in bed with a man who she claimed to have never met, a room which she claimed she had never stepped foot in and finally the approach of a mirror which reflection she had never seen. She had woken up believing she was still a young girl, however the mirror didn’t reflect this, instead she was maturely aging: wrinkled hands, her hair had no volume, the skin on her cheeks sagged, her lips were thin and mouth turned down, and then her eyes… The skin surrounding them was lined. However, these features seemed to reflect familiarity, she was still recognisable as herself, she states “The person in the mirror is me, but I am twenty years too old. Twenty-five. More.” The man who she never recognised, who was a stranger in her bed was her husband Ben, the woman in the mirror was herself twenty years later and the pictures were snippets of what was her past.

She can only depend on one object, which she knows speaks the truth. A journal which she herself writes, containing a record of happenings throughout the day, feelings which she’d never feel again unless she re-read her life. Christine is reminded every day by her doctor to read her journal to reconstruct her memories, hoping to create a meaning to her life. Helping her discover what had really happened to her. What had caused her amnesia? Who was in her life? Who left her life? Most importantly, who are the people surrounding her? The journal serves a purpose, it unravels the unexpected, whilst through out it gives the reader room for their own thoughts, through subliminal implications. Whilst reading ‘Before I Go To Sleep’ my opinions on each character were developing through out the novel, I didn’t know who to trust: Her doctor? Her husband Ben? Her friend? Everyone was telling her life as they’d like it to be, however, is this the life she once lead? Or is it merely a recount which is of benefit to the people in her life? They answer her questions, but in differing ways... Who’s correct? The first page of the journal however states ‘Do not trust Ben’… This statement clings onto the reader through out the book, is he telling her the truth of what happened to her? Is it to protect her from being hurt? The ending reveals why.

If you haven’t yet read this novel, I highly recommend it… It really is well-written and emotional right until the very end.

This is the Trailer for ‘Before I Go To Sleep’ by S. J. Watson

‘Do not judge a book by it’s cover… In this case, ‘Do not judge the characters by their cover’

Image

It's upsetting to see how many people believe they're inadequate compared to the beauty magazines... I'm not sure who they're comparing to, as it is all make believe and fantasy. A click of a few buttons, adjustment of lighting... Et viola, they have created what they believe is 'perfect'. It is far from perfect... They have achieved a skeletal unrealistic look... What has happened to being who you are and the individual body image? Technology now is a device to generate models into copy cats of the next. To think there are naive young girls aspiring to fake figures, it is truly unbelievable...

Growing up too fast!

Recently, I have turned seventeen and inside I remain to feel like the vulnerable, shy, quiet little girl who began in Year 9... Who's mind would constantly ponder at the thought of where my next class would be in order to prevent getting lost and turning up late to lessons. My mind is still in the mindset of who I was 4 years ago... Perhaps it is because I dislike the thought of growing up: accepting all responsibility, leaving Upper School and my family and friends to hopefully attend a good University. Leaving everything which was once a comfort to me - all things familiar. However ludicrous this may sound... I wish this world could stop or rewind, just to relive moments when life was easier and had no worries, where colouring in would be my idea of novelty. Now, my idea of novelty is being free from the strains and stresses of sixth form, whether it is listening to music, listening to a friend or family member, or perhaps the sound of peace. I honestly never want to grow up... Life is too fast, yet too short. In a way, I am curious for the future: who I'll be, who I will meet in terms of friends and perhaps a boyfriend or husband. Whether I'll be in a career I'll love, whether I'll live somewhere I'll feel safe, and whether everything in education has paid of. I shall soon find out... Adulthood is quickly approaching...

Choices...

Yesterday along with Year 12 I attended the University Fair, which had stalls of Universities promoting their courses, facilities etcetera. They gave away prospectuses along with pens, bags and leaflets. It was quite daunting being in a position where the largest choice of my life I believe is rapidly approaching and I can't divert from it. It will come, whether I'm prepared or not. The choice of choosing a degree... Options in the degree... The Unicersity... Tenancy... Ultimately my career path. A path which determines my future satisfaction and feeling that I have done my absolute best... This is what I desire most. I am passionate about studying English Literature, as ever since the beginning of Year 10 I have loved English whether it is reading, researching and critically analysing a text. I enjoy exploring the meaning behind texts and most of all giving my own literary interpretation. What I wish and hope for the most is that I do well in all my alevels so I can consider a diverse range of good universities which I have the hope of developing my love for English in. At the moment, doing well in my alevels seems impossible, well, I believe it is due to how hard my alevels have proved to be: English Literature, Law, History and Philosophy and Ethics. Good luck to everybody who is going to University this year, and to all those who like me are considering various universities and getting prepared for the AS exams!

The world…

It seems to be that the world is materialistic rather than looking beneath the surface and viewing what really matters. The physical appearance of the world reflects the people in it and the attitudes of most… The protruding skyscrapers from what had once been a peaceful, unmaterialistic settlement. Perhaps the radical development in technology has had a profound impact, if it has, then I wouldn’t like to view the world in many years to come. It seems that things which were once viewed as ‘ordinary’ have become ‘extraordinary’… Flashing neon lights, metal birds as planes and buildings which look distorted.

It seems to be that people are careless when it comes to their own satisfaction, they’d prefer to aspire to careers which pay the ‘most’ when their happiness has to pay the price. To me, it is pure greediness when individuals aim for a career which they have absolutely no interest in at all, the only interest they’ll be gaining is in the bank. The mansion, the garage door key revealing sports cars, the false expression and thought in their mind that they’ve reached their goal. None of this is true happiness, it is their way of fitting in with the money endorsing world around us.

Unfortunately, this world has evolved into an artificial realm where people struggle to find their place, where being overweight isn’t ‘normal’, where small houses won’t do, where speaking incorrectly means you’re not good enough, where grades class your intelligence. It’s tedious and unfair… This world wasn’t created for a materialistic development: it’s for individuality and room for development in a unmaterialistic way. People shouldn’t have to change their ways to ‘fit in’, people should be a weight in which they feel comfortable in, big houses leave empty spaces, speech is how we express ourselves and grades reflect our worry in exams… Will anything ever catch up with our growing world?

My hope…

It feels as though it was only a day ago when I wrote a blog post about starting Sixth Form and the worries I’d have to face. Now, however, the worries have become a reality, a reality which I never thought would approach so quickly. It’s literally a month before the AS exams: the exams which will determine what university I’ll aim for, as we have to apparently write our personal statements this year. If I don’t achieve good grades in AS I am limiting myself when it comes to choosing universities… Most good universities now have entry requirements of AAA or AAB. Due to how hard my A levels are, I doubt highly I’ll achieve such grades in A2.

I have been revising Philosophy today… Deep down, I know I know the information, however I feel as though I can’t retrieve the information… But it must be somewhere. Hopefully, when it comes to the actual exams, my adrenaline will kick in.

My hope, more than anything right now, is that I do well in my AS exams. People always say ‘you can only do your best’, ‘try your best’, ‘your best is all they can ask for’, however to me, when it comes down to universities they have entry requirements which must be met. They are hardly flexible, therefore I feel obliged to do more than my best. I just hope it’s good enough.

Good luck to all those doing their A level exams this year, whether ASs or A2s, and to all those who are going to University! You will all do great, keep believing!

Stop Kony 2012

Yesterday I watched a video which has been shared over Facebook and Twitter. I was curious to see why this video was being spread around, and how it has any relevance to social networking sites... I was surprised to view the content about a man called Joseph Kony. I am reluctant to even use the word 'man', as he's an inhumane, evil and malevolent person. It was shocking to see the actions he was performing on innocent children: using them as 'child soldiers' by training them to impose attacks on others. In my opinion, he does this all because of one reason... unmitigated evilness.

I was inspired by this video, as it shows the togetherness in the world, and the power in which we can have. A thing which is very uncommon in a difficult modern world as ours now is. A campaign called 'Kony 2012' has been launched to stop the crimes Kony is committing against innocent children, and children who deserve to be heard and stand up for themselves. I couldn't imagine, and I don't think anyone truly can, the feelings of his victims... I can't even imagine how a member of humanity could be so cynical and illicit in their activity.

We need to STOP Kony this year and set a precedent for international justice!

This is the video below... Please watch it, and make these 'invisible children' visible, as Kony will be stopped one day, and I hope this year, this day can be reported. To enable all these children affected, all their families and the whole world can realise that through love and support, evil can come to an end, and justice can be done.

I haven't quite kept up with my diary...

As I said in my previous post: New Year's resolutions/aims.

I premeditated that perhaps I wouldn't stick to some of my goals this year, and keeping up with writing a diary is one of them. I think perhaps diaries are for recording when something has upset you, or made you happy - expressing emotions etcetera, rather than a day to day recount. Hopefully, I'll use the diary more effectively soon, however, nothing has happened that has dramatically changed my feelings...

Another year of aspirations: 2012

I have been inspired by Laura to write a list of what I’d like to do/achieve this year, as last year I thought of aspirations in my mind, rather than write them down. I suppose it would be nice to have thoughts written down, almost perhaps, like a check list. In 2012 I’d like to…

• Concentrate and try my absolute best in Sixth form, so I can do well in my AS levels, and hopefully have a good start to A2
• Continue to support all those who I care about: my family and friends
• Try not to argue with my Sister and Brother
• Learn to drive
• Keep my room tidy
• Be healthier: cut down on food which is seen as bad, and do more exercise
• Prevent myself getting in silly arguments, and to stop getting involved in others problems and try and concentrate on my own
• Read many books (especially for English)
• Decide what I want to do in University, and hopefully get the grade requirements
• Stop spending money on things I don’t need
• Paint or draw a picture I am happy with
• Stop wasting time on Facebook
• Reach a balance between socialising and school work time
• Go to London Dungeons
• To stick to writing my diary. I’ve just brought my own diary to write in everyday about my feelings and obviously happenings day-by-day… This year I’d love to write in it everyday, I just hope I do, as in the future it will be nice to look back at what I’ve done

There are so many more, however I can’t think of them all at the moment, if I do, I shall update this blog post, but for know this is about it.
Happy New Year to you all, and if you have aspirations and things you want to do/achieve, I hope you do, as I know it’s a great feeling to reach a goal!